No Comprende'

Crew Briefing at 15x10 Office

Dispatch man arrives with weather packet.

Dispatcher: “Here is your weather Captain. As you can see the forecast shows clear at your destination.”

Phil or Andrew: “Yes it does and that is very nice but it’s from yesterday. Can we get a current forecast?”

Dispatcher: “Yes Captain. Here is satellite picture. No Charlie Bravos (CB’s or thunderstorms), mostly clear.”

P or A: “But the picture only shows north Africa and Europe. We are in South East Africa. We need another…”

Dispatcher: “Yes Captain. I also fueled airplane to 5000 kilos.”

P or A: “What is the passenger and cargo load?”

Dispatcher: “I don’t know. Maybe 72 passengers.”

P or A: “We will be overweight by around 1800 kilos. Why did you fuel to 5000 without load data.”

Dispatcher: “Yes Captain, that’s what we did yesterday. 5000 kilos no problem.”

P or A: “How many passengers did you have yesterday?”

Dispatcher: “35 passengers.”

P or A: “I’m not sure what to say now.”

Dispatcher: “Yes Captain.”

Flight Attendant: “It is time for our briefing Captain.”

P or A: “Yes, well…weather’s good, flight time 1hr and 20 min, 60 passengers to Beira, it should be a good day. If you have questions during the flight please let us…”

FA: “What is flight time?”

P or A: We just did this flight a couple hours ago do you remember…”

FA: “Yes Captain what is flight time and altitude?”

P or A: It’s the same as before, 1hr 20min…the same as it always is…no…wait a minute. This time it will be different. Flight time will be 3hrs. Yea..a bit longer than last time. Then when we return it will be 20 min’s, a lot shorter. I know it doesn’t make sense but in the end does it really matter? Oh, bye the way, please keep passengers from touching the side of the aircraft because our speed will be Mach 2. The Q400 is warm at Mach 1. It glows at Mach 2. Also, we will need plenty of water because re-entering Earth’s atmosphere makes us thirsty.”

FA: “Yes Captain.”

Aircraft dirty windows

Crew asks for window wash from mechanic before departure. Mechanic picks up rag and soaks it in large puddle of “Blue Juice” or aircraft lavatory waste that spilled onto the tarmac. The mechanic climbed a ladder to wash window with the beautiful sewage rag. He was stopped on the last step be a visiting Bombardier mechanic who sprinted across the ramp to stop him. The rag had gravel and you know what all over it. Excellent!

pw